I Am So Imperfect It Makes Me Sick

So, I baked my first-ever cake from scratch and decorated it with homemade frosting. I was on cloud nine, I mean, look at this thing, it is gorgeous!

And just a note to all you future frosting makers out there- abandon the crisco, stick with butter. Crisco does make the frosting more fluffy, but the taste is not so hot.

Anyway, back to my cake adventure. So I created this beautiful cake- sans color because I have yet to find all natural food coloring- and was feeling mighty proud. I didn't even dig into it right away, I waited to show if off that evening. Of course the first second after I had proudly displayed my amazing talent (read with dripping sarcasm) I cut myself a piece. With that first bite I was ready for baking perfection, an amazing feat of baking skill like the world had never known...but the texture was...off. The center wasn't quite done- even though my toothpick had come out clean. No big deal I figured, I would just avoided that area and eat the outside part. But it was too late, the food poisoning had already snuck its way in (salmonella anyone?). Two hours later, I was one sick girl. It brings the idea of internally knowing my imperfections to a whole new meaning.

Needless to say, the cake ended up in the garbage. Maybe I should be like the Caesars of ancient Rome and have a person taste/test my food first... of course that could be seen as some sort of extreme abuse so I guess I will stick with sacrificing myself.

Next up, belly dancing.

A Little Dazed and Confused

I am a competitive perfectionist. There, I said it.

If I am going to do something, I am going to do it right and I am going to do it better than everyone else. This of course gets in the way of the old saying, practice makes perfect. And it is because of this competitive perfectionistic mentality that I usually end up doing nothing at all.

I have spent my whole life competing against everyone else- worse, in a race that existed in my mind alone. The decisions I’ve made, the paths I have taken, they were all dictated by my need to be perfect and better than everyone else. The perfect job. The perfect man. The perfect house. Hell, even the perfect dog.

But something has gone terribly wrong. I work at a job that barely makes ends meet and isn’t even in a field I enjoy. I haven’t dated in over 2 years. I'll pause to give you time to recover... are you back with me? I have moved back in with my parents- did I mention I am 25? And my beagle refuses to keep his nose out of the trash and stay inside the fence. What the hell happened?

I have always told myself that these things are minor sacrifices for a better future. I live with my parents so that I can save money on rent and buy a house. I am not dating because I haven’t found the right guy (read: perfect). But the truth is, my savings account is embarrassingly small, dwindled away on expensive haircuts and clothes that validate me and I spend my nights watching reruns of Bones, because I refuse to date a guy that isn’t perfect. And it has suddenly occurred to me; while I have been waiting for my perfect life, the one that will live up to my expectations and make everyone else green with envy, I have created a nearly non-existent life and I am missing out on, well, everything. How did that happen?

So, since I have so much time on my hands I have decided to go in search of a life. But not just any life, my life. One that isn't perfect or motivated by competition... well at least mostly ;-) To do this, I will try one new thing each week... and I will accept that I will not be perfect at it. And, I will blog about it. I figure at least this way I have some accountability. Then again, I don't think anyone's reading this...

First up: Cake decorating class next Monday.