The End Of Innocence, Dole Whip Style

I haven't written in a while, as I am sure all 2 of my readers have noticed (where did you go Germany?) because I have been on vacation! I had a blast saw family, went camping, and ended by going to Disneyland! Yay!

Now, for anyone who may be familiar with Disneyland I am going to assume that you are also familiar with the Pineapple Dole Whips that are there (if you have been to Disneyland and don't know what I am talking about that is blasphemy!). Now I was with a friend waiting our turn to go into the Tikki Room (that smooth talking Jose parrot is so dashing, don't you think?) when we saw a sight that forever tainted our future Dole Whip experiences... *reader beware, you are going to need brain bleach after reading this post*

So we are sitting there minding our own business just enjoying the opportunity to sit down and rest. I am a big fan of being pale (and consequently, wide brimmed hats) and was blissfully unaware of anything above waste level since the brim of my hat blocked everything else above that. Suddenly, my friend poked her head under my hat sanctuary and said in a hushed tone, "Oh my god, look at the lady next to you!"

I look over and see her from the knees down and shrug my shoulders, she was an extremely large woman who had dressed herself in a skin-tight turquoise tube top dress but other than that I didn't understand what I should be looking for. "Ok... What am I suppose to be looking at?"

My friend takes my head and turns it to the perfect angle, just in time for me to see the woman poke her tongue (in a grotesque fashion that made me think of a stereotypically bad porn movie) into the center hole of her Dole Whip and pull out the delicious ice creamy goodness in a manner that should have been x-rated. With a spoon resting unused in her hand, she continued her bile-inducing food trance as she molested the poor unsuspecting Dole Whip.

My friend and I both averted our eyes in horror, scarred forever with the image that had been seared into our brains. We didn't eat another Dole Whip during that entire trip...

So the moral of this story... no one, no matter how happy your food makes you, wants to see you molest the unsuspecting sustenance.

A Rant

Unless you have been hiding under a rock recently, I am sure you're aware of the issue the U.S. is facing with its budget and debt ceiling. And even though I am an NPR/PBS News hour-oholic, I tend to keep my opinions out of most politics, but after reading an article today, I can't keep my mouth shut any longer.

I am sure this post will make me unpopular, so I want to preface it with this: I believe that it is only through humanity and compassion that we will better ourselves and survive into the future. I have always been the person who loves the unwanted (whether it is a stuffed animal with a big black mark on its face when I was 3, or the puny plant that is about to be tossed out at the nursery just last month). I root for the underdog. I am neither democrat or republican, I am not a right winger, and I don't believe everyone should fend for themselves...

Now onto the unpopular part...

The article I just read was talking about the stalemate over the budget and the implications of what could happen after August 2. In the article it stated that we would have funds to cover medicare/medicade, social security, interest on debts, defense vendor payments, and unemployment insurance*. They would not however, be able to pay federal employees, active military members, and would leave whole government departments- such as Labor- entirely unfunded*. This made me nearly lose it. I understand the importance of taking care of the less fortunate but the nation (at this point and in my opinion) can not simply continue to take care of those that do not help the economy or productivity of the nation and completely neglect those that do.

I have been unemployed, I know exactly what I am talking about, but the truth of the matter is that if we continue to help the down trodden who are a weight on the economy while sacrificing those that are contributing to the economy, we are headed for a collapse...of everything. At which point we will no longer be able to help those in need either.

*http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43954150/ns/politics-more_politics/?gt1=43001

Get The FUCK Out Of My Car!

I sold my beloved Honda Civic. It was my first car ever and I had it for nearly 10 years and it was 16 years old. It got 30 miles to the gallon and was loyal beyond compare. But, as 16 year old cars tend to do, it began needing more and more repairs and I needed to make the decision on where to invest my money- repairing and old car, or buying a new one. In the end my trusty Red Sled (my name for the Civic) went to a terrific family that would love it and actually wanted and need it. So I feel good...But my experience selling my car, was not without its, ahem, shall we say adventure...

Some pointers to potential car buyers...

If you respond to an ad selling a 5-speed manual transmission vehicle, perhaps it is best if you can actually drive a stick. And that one time you were going to drive down the cul-de-sac in your friends car but killed it before you got out of the driveway doesn't count. I mean you need to actually be able to:

• Know when the engine is running high because you have it in 3rd gear going 50mph
• Know you must push in the clutch to start the car
• Not kill the car...twice in a three minute test drive
• Not rev the engine so hard when initially starting to move in first...each and every time you're in first
• Knowing the difference between the foot brace on the floor to the left and the actual clutch pedal...
  

I should also suggest that you know how to drive a car period. Be sure you can accomplish the simple things such as:

• Knowing how to turn the car on (i.e. you must turn the key from lock, to on, to acc, and then to start). If you turn the key to acc and think that will start the car, you are going to be there for a while
• Knowing the difference between the footbrace on the floor to the left and the actual clutch pedal... yes I know I said it above, but really? Seriously, you can't tell the difference between a unmoving hunk of plastic and a depressable clutch pedal...? Really?
• Knowing you shouldn't turn left onto a road and them pull an immediate u-turn in front of a HUGE POLICE suv that is turning left behind you, nearly getting the car t-boned and pissing off the cop.

And on a final note, if you want a seller to select you as the buyer, don't be an idiot. This means:

• Do not try to pressure the seller into selling it to you after they already politely told you that they have another person test driving the car later that evening. And no, getting into a staring contest with the seller will not increase your chances of purchasing the vehicle.

Now that I have imparted this great wisdom on you dear readers, go forth and practice non-douchbagish car buying behavior. :-)