So I figured after yesterday's rant and proclamation that I would only date well off men, I needed to update you on recent events. I went out on a date today with rich bachelor #100&whatever, we will call him Mr. Pervy Gym (he is a pervert and he owns a chain of gyms, golf courses, and a slew of other businesses around the country- hence the name) and was subjected to the most mortifying and insulting moment of my young life. At the end of our brunch date (I find daytime dates much more relaxed so that is why I set all of these up during the day) I got up from the table to put on my jacket and before I could reach for it, he took my hand and slowly spun me around...surveying me!!! (Note, the only reason I actually ended up turning around was because I was beyond confused as to what the hell he was doing and by the time I figured it out I was already half way around). Before stating that I looked just like my pictures! And the way he did it was so sleazy I feel like I need a shower just thinking about it...a shower and a baseball bat!
What am I, a horse he is buying at auction?! I half expected him to tell me to open up my mouth so he could inspect the health of my teeth. Correct me if I am wrong, but we gave up slavery a while ago right? So the physical surveying of any person (outside of a physician's office) is REALLY inappropriate. Worse yet, the woman sitting at the table opposite us, reading a book, saw the whole thing and I am pretty sure she thought I was a prostitute!
I am sorry Mr. Pervy Gym, but unlike your fancy sports car I do not come in a variety of colors and sports package options. Your brazen physical appraisal was beyond inappropriate and earned you the title Biggest Asshole of the Year (B.A.Y.- hahaha it makes me think of Bay of Pigs, so appropriate, it was a disaster and he's a pig). Your prize is a swift kick to the groin and me running you down with my car. Oh, and just so you know, you even beat out $1.69 guy for the title. Seriously, are you not suave enough to check my ass out while I am not looking like any normal guy would? Or perhaps you think your financial assets entitle you to act like the piggy you are.
I of course fixed him with a stare that could have quite literally burned a hole through his forehead (if only), buttoned my jacket closed, and headed for the door without a word. But Mr. Gym, being the knuckled-headed jackass he is, actually thought it was ok to catch up with me, tell me he had a great time and move in for a hug and a sneaky pervert kiss. Unfortunately for him, I have plenty of experience in deflecting socially inappropriate individuals so all he got was an awkward moment on the street of hugging someone who was stiff as a board and kissing the air next to my head because I have perfected the head-tilt-avoidance maneuver. HA! that will teach him! :-)
